


Second Chance For A Normal Life

by Nikky_the_writer



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-09-12 10:52:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16871596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikky_the_writer/pseuds/Nikky_the_writer
Summary: Bucky is struggling with his life after he came back from the army. He is depressed and he also had a bad start with Reader. - AUWarnings: cursing, blood, mentions of suicide attempt





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted on my Tumblr: @nikky-the-writter

There was a noise outside your apartment. You needed to sleep because you were up from 4am. You were working for a big fashion company as a designer. Tomorrow you will have a day off and you wanted to go to bed earlier so that you can finish some sketches in the morning. Obviously that wasn’t the option at the moment. Slowly you moved your body from your bed to the kitchen. Opening the fridge you took an apple and knife from the drawer. You started cutting it when you heard yelling. You were getting tired of it. Every day for the past week, there was constant yelling from the apartment across the hall. Finally, you decided that you had enough of that noise. You walked to the apartment door and you banged with your fist against the wooden door. You were standing there only in your white tank top and black sweatpants. You heard footsteps coming closer to the door and the door opened.

The man with brown hair stared at you. He looked you up and down and you cursed yourself for not putting a sweater. The guy was probably an asshole, and the way he looked at you, made you shiver and not in a good way.

˝Could you keep it quiet? ˝

˝Well, I could, but my friend and I are having a little argument, so no. ˝

Just as he started speaking, you could smell alcohol on his breath and your nose cringe a little. He wanted to close the door after he finished his sentence, but you stopped him.

˝You are a fucking imbecile, every night and seriously, I mean every night you are screaming at each other! For fuck’s sake, just stop it!˝

˝Are you feeling left out. You know I could make you scream. ˝ He said with a smug face.

˝Really? Well, I suppose that the only sound that you could get out of me would be a laugh. ˝

˝Don’t be so sure doll. ˝He moved a little closer to you and you kept standing still.

˝Keep it down! ˝ You said seriously. You couldn’t care less about him being taller and bigger than you.

˝Or what? ˝

˝Oh, you would like to know, would you? ˝ You smirked at him and you walked back to your apartment with your head high. When you walked back into the kitchen you took the apple back in your hand and a knife. Suddenly you heard yelling. Angrily you stabbed the knife into the apple and you took your phone from the bedroom. You dialed the number and you waited a few seconds when you heard the voice on the other end of the line.

˝Wade, are you near by? ˝ You asked your best friend and roomate Wade Wilson. He was actually the only person with whom you hang out. He was the only person that really understood you. You both didn’t give a shit for people who thought that they were better than everybody else. Both of you were brutally honest and that’s why most of the people didn’t really like you.

˝A couple streets away. I just finished the paperwork. Why are you calling, cookie? ˝

˝Could you pay a visit to our neighbour? ˝

˝Wait, somebody moved in after that girl? That’s a shame I hoped she will come back. Her ass was so.. ˝

˝Wade, would you stop it? Maybe if you would stop working at night you would know how awful the new neighbour was. ˝

˝What happened, Y/N/N? ˝

˝I have to sleep and they are constantly yelling. ˝

˝I will be there in five minutes, but that will cost you. ˝

˝Fine, but I’m not giving you the foot massage this time. ˝

˝Alright. ˝

* * *

There was banging at the door next to yours and you knew what’s going to happen.

The man opened the door expecting you standing there, but it wasn’t you. There was a man standing in his black button up shirt with two gun holsters and a badge.

˝She called the cops. That’s really mature. ˝ Your neighbour said.

˝No, you see I live in this lovely apartment. ˝ Wade, showed at your door.

˝I just come home and I wanted some peace and then I heard the yelling. And I’ve also heard that you don’t know how to behave in front of a young lady. Should I teach you some manners? ˝

˝Sorry man we just.. ˝

˝What got carried away every night? Look man, I don’t want to come over anymore, so keep it down. ˝

* * *

Wade came into the apartment and you already poured him a cup of coffee. He was an unusual person he couldn’t sleep without coffee.

˝Thank you. Go to bed Y/N/N, you will be tired tomorrow. ˝ Wade said and kissed your cheek.

˝I don’t work tomorrow. ˝ You smiled at your friend.

˝Oh, so what are you going to do tomorrow? Will you bring home some strangers from the bar and call me to kick them out? ˝

˝It was a one-time thing. And I didn’t call you, you just came pretending you were my husband. I hate you for that he was really hot. ˝

˝Your neighbour is hot. ˝ Wade said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

˝Our neighbour, if you forgot you live here. He is an idiot, a jerk, and a smug bastard. Also, he is a drunk. ˝

˝You do know who he is right? ˝ You stopped walking, turning to face Wade.

˝What do you mean? ˝

˝Bucky Barnes. ˝ You laughed because it couldn’t be him.

˝Barnes? Yeah, right. ˝ You said, walking away.

˝I’m not joking. ˝

You walked to your bed thinking about what Wade said. You worked for Winifred Barnes. You saw photos of her son in her office, but the man in the photos didn’t look like the man you just saw. The man had long hair that reached just above his shoulder. His eyes were barely visible from the strands of his hair. But you could see that they were red, actually bloodshot. He looked like a mess, while the man you saw on the pictures was shaved, he had short hair, beautiful blue eyes and he looked happy. 

* * *

Boom! The loud crash woke you up. You lazily opened your eyes and it was 2am.

_What the fuck?_

You quickly walked to Wade’s room and he was sound asleep. It only could mean one thing, it was your neighbour. You just met the guy and you already hated him. You turned on the light in the kitchen and you sat at the counter drinking a glass of milk.

Boom!

You couldn’t take it anymore.

_What the hell was that man doing in his apartment?_

You knocked on his door. After a few seconds, door opened and he stood there in front of you. His hair was sticking to his face, his shirt was wet from his sweat, but you didn’t care.

_Why should you?_

In the past you tried to help people, but they would always turn you down, or they would make you feel bad, so you decided to keep to yourself.

˝Could you stop it? ˝

˝I… What did I do? ˝

˝Really, you were being an idiot, who kept smashing something, stop that so that other people can sleep. ˝ You said and you didn’t wait for his answer, but in the corner of your eye you saw blood on his knuckles. But you tried not to care that was the person that everybody thought you were a cold hearted bitch.

 _Why mess with that kind of reputation?_ You thought to yourself while going back to bed.


	2. Chapter 2

Steve came to see Bucky again. He did that every day from the day Bucky came back from the army. He was honorably discharged a week ago. He didn’t even tell his parents that he was back, he only told Steve, his best friend.

Steve was begging him to go to the therapist, or to someone to talk to, but he refused it. That was the reason why they were fighting, screaming at each other. Bucky only drank when he was home and that was the whole day. He wanted to pass out from the alcohol so that he wouldn’t have the nightmares.

There was a banging on his door so he opened it. There was a girl standing at his door. He was so drunk that he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. He would never say what he did if he was sober. When he closed the door, he saw Steve rolling his eyes.

˝What’s wrong with you? Why did you talk to her like that? ˝

˝So what? I don’t even know who she is. ˝

˝It was Y/N Y/L/N. ˝ Steve said recognizing your voice. He met you four months ago.

˝And who is she? ˝

˝She works for your mother. ˝ Steve said, remembering your face. He thought that you were nice, he did want to get to know you, but you politely declined his offer. You weren’t the person for relationships. Your heart was broken too many times just as you trust, so you decided to stay away from that kind of things. Honestly, if you ever needed sex you could just knock on Wade’s door.

˝Bucky you really need help, I’m going to call your mother. ˝

˝Why would you do that? You want to show her how good you are in the comparison with me? You want her to see me like this? ˝

˝That’s on you Buck. You have to stop drinking, you are destroying yourself. ˝

˝Like you would know. You weren’t there Steve. ˝ Bucky sat on his bed, taking the beer bottle from his nightstand.

˝I wanted to be. ˝

˝But you weren’t. Do you know how does it feel when somebody shots you? ˝ Steve lowered his head. ˝Or how it feels when they slice you like a piece of meat, or drowning in cold water? You will never understand, nobody will. Just don’t tell my parents, they can’t see me like this. ˝

Bucky begged his friend when he heard a knock at the door.

˝It’s probably her, do you want me to get that? ˝Steve offered.

˝No, I will. ˝

Bucky walked away from his bedroom thinking he will see your face when he opened the door, but he didn’t. He couldn’t believe that you called the police. After he said he will be quiet, he asked Steve to leave him alone that he needed some time to think.

Bucky throw himself on his bed and he buried his head into the pillow. He didn’t want to sleep, but he needed to get rest, he took sleeping pills from his nightstand. The pills never really helped him, but he hoped that at one point they will. Not long after he fell asleep the nightmares started. He was tossing and turning in his bed. His covers fell to the floor. He was mumbling to himself and on the one point he got up from the bed still confused from his nightmare. He crashed his lamp to the wall and then he punched the wall with his bare hand, he punched it one more time and then he heard cracking sound. His hand was hurting like hell and blood was falling to the ground from his fist. Somebody knocked on his door and he forgot about his state and he opened the door. He saw you standing there obviously angry, but he was so confused at the time that he couldn’t even remember what he told you earlier. Just before he wanted to apologize you walked away from him. Only thing that he could think of doing at the moment was grabbing another beer bottle.

* * *

Bucky woke up on his couch. His shirt was full of blood and sweat. He remembered what he said to you last night and he wanted to apologize because he was rude to you. He was almost at the door when he noticed how he looked. His breath smelled of alcohol just like his shirt. He went to take a shower. After he got dressed and he put his hair in a bun, he walked to your apartment. He knocked once and then he waited for you to open, but it wasn’t you who opened it. It was a man from yesterday. His hair was a mess and he was wearing only sweatpants.

˝Hey, I’m sorry for last night. I just wanted to say that It won’t happen again. ˝

Wade looked at him and he smirked. ˝Can I guess that you didn’t expect me to open the door? ˝

Bucky looked down, embarrassed.

˝She is not here right now. She’ll be back in thirty minutes or less. ˝ Wade said and Bucky just nodded. ˝I don’t think that we even met. I’m Wade and…. that’s Y/N˝ Wade said pointing at you. You were just walking to the apartment looking at your phone. You didn’t even notice them until you reached the door.

˝I’ll take that ˝ Wade said, taking your stuff and leaving you alone with Bucky.

˝I’m sorry ab… ˝

˝Look I don’t really care. You don’t have to apologize just be quiet. Is that okay? ˝ He nodded and you closed the door. You knew that you were too harsh on him, but you just had a bad feeling. It wasn’t just a bad feeling, it was more. You couldn’t let yourself to see him in a better light because there was a chance that you’ll fall for him. You decided to keep a distance.

˝That was stupid. ˝

Wade said as you walked in the kitchen. You put your jacket beside the door and you sat on the stool at the counter.

˝Stupid? ˝

˝He just came to apologize. ˝

˝Stop it. Just stop it Wade. ˝

˝Why Y/N/N? ˝ Wade asked, handing you a piece of cake that you baked yesterday in the morning.

˝Look, he obviously has some problems and why would I.. ˝

˝Don’t pretend like you don’t care. I know you do. You always have. Just because other people are fucking little bastards it doesn’t mean that you have to pretend that you are too. ˝ Wade took your fork and he finished the cake.

˝Give me another. ˝

˝There is no more˝ You rolled your eyes at him. He would always eat the whole content of your fridge.

˝So…? ˝

˝What Wade? ˝

˝Will you just talk to him? I’m not telling you to go fuck him, although that wouldn’t be the worst idea, but at least just tell him that you are accepting his apology. Take some burden from his shoulders. ˝

You put the plate in the dishwasher and you walked to the door.

You knocked at Bucky’s door and he opened it surprised to see you.

˝Look, I was just a little angry at you. I had to sleep so that I could finish something for my work. I know that you are sorry and I just wanted to say that I accept your apology. ˝ You recited your speech not giving him the chance to speak. ˝I’ll see you around˝ You said, walking back in your apartment.

* * *

 


	3. Chapter 3

After Bucky closed the door, he sat next to his window lighting up a cigarette. He wasn’t addicted to them, he just picked up a habit of smoking when he needed to clear his head. He needed to clear his mind of thoughts of you. He liked you, it was weird for him to think about the girl after everything that happened to him. But it brought a smile to his lips. The way you bit your lip, the colour of your eyes and the spark in them. The thing that he liked the most was you in your pj’s, with no make up and with messy hair, he thought that you were adorable. He inhaled the smoke and he looked out the window.

˝Like she would even go out with you, you are a mess. ˝ He said to himself while lighting up another cigarette to ease his mind. His mind was tricky even when he was drunk he could remember everything about you.

Steve came in his apartment without knocking.

˝I see that you are better. ˝

Bucky just nodded with his head.

˝When did you start smoking? ˝

˝In the army, it kept me calm. ˝

˝Are you going to talk with your parents? Your mother is worried she didn’t get any letter from you for seven months. ˝

˝Steve you know why, so please just stop it. ˝ Bucky put down the cigarette and he took a glass of water instead of beer. Steve’s eyes got wider as he saw the bandages on his fist.

˝What happened? ˝

˝Just a nightmare. ˝ He simply said and walked to his room. Steve was following him in.

˝You have to talk to someone about it. ˝

˝Steve do you understand how many soldiers with PTSD goes to the therapist, psychiatrist and that other crap? Did you know that they don’t really get better? ˝

˝If you would try? ˝

˝Try what?! What Steve? ˝

Steve was leaning at door frame looking at Bucky who was searching for something in his closet.

˝You are acting like the time stopped for you. You are alive Bucky, you should be grateful. ˝

Steve’s words cut deep in Bucky’s mind and he turned around to face him.

˝Greatfull? ˝He was just inches away from Steve’s face. ˝Greatful for what exactly? For my scars, for PTSD, for losing my faith in people? ˝

Bucky moved past him and went to the bathroom to wash his face with cold water. He took a deep breath. His hands were shaking and he was loosening again. His back meets the cold tile wall and he lowered his body on the ground sitting on the small carpet. Steve came in and he saw him with his head in his arms holding them on his knees. Steve sat beside him.

˝Buck, do you want me to call someone? ˝

˝Who? ˝Bucky murmured through his sniffles. ˝I don’t have anyone that could help me. ˝

˝Don’t say that. I’m here. ˝

˝You can’t help me. Please just leave. ˝ Bucky pushed him away and Steve stood up.

˝I don’t want to leave you alone. ˝

˝Can’t you see Steve? ˝ Bucky lifted his head and the tears from his eyes couldn’t stop falling. ˝I’m already alone. Just go. ˝

With heavy heart his friend left his apartment.

* * *

˝Wade when are you leaving? ˝ You asked Wade who was playing Wii at the moment. He was dancing next to the glass table and you were just thinking to yourself when will he fall on it. It wouldn’t be the first time, he did it two times. He broke two glass tables and he cutted himself. Let’s just say that he couldn’t sit on his ass for more than a month.

Wade glanced at the clock on the wall. ˝In two hours, maybe sooner if they call me in. Why? Are you thinking of making a move on our hot neighbour? ˝ He asked, walking to the counter where you were making pizza for both of you.

˝No! I will just be bored when you leave. I already finished everything for tomorrow and now I don’t know what to do with myself. ˝

˝Well a few things are replaying in my mind. ˝He smirked at you.

˝You are disgusting. I’m… I’ll be in my room. ˝

˝Should I knock before coming in?˝

˝Wade, you are still disgusting. ˝

˝Y/N/N! ˝He called out and you turned around.

˝If you don’t make a move on that hottie, I will. ˝

˝ Wade, I didn’t know that he is your type. I thought that your type was anything with big boobs and great ass. Bucky is missing one of that things, actually two, but help yourself. ˝

He laughed at your statement. ˝I can bet that you will get him in your bed! ˝

˝In your dreams. ˝

˝It would be crowded if he joins. ˝

˝God, that’s fucking… I can’t even look at you. ˝ You closed the door and you heard Wade yelling.

˝Like you never thought about sharing me with someone! ˝

You just rolled your eyes at his statement. Sitting on your bed you put your headphones and you put the timer on your phone.

* * *

Bucky was sitting in the bathroom for a good twenty minutes when he decided to get up. He walked to his nightstand and he opened the drawer. He took the gun from it and he sat on the edge of his bed.

˝You can do it. Just pull the trigger. ˝He put the barrel to his head and the tears start falling from his blue eyes.

˝Just do it. Finish it. ˝

He took a deep breath, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t pull the trigger at least not before he says goodbye. He put the whole gun close to his face thinking of what to say, who to call. He put the gun down on his sheet and he walked to his table. He won’t call anyone he will just write a letter, as he did while he served.

He didn’t know how to start it, or to whom to write it so he skipped that part,

_I was always a man of just a few words. It was hard for me to express my feeling through my whole life, but now I will try to do my best I know that a lot of you tried to help me, or you would if you knew what was going on with me. I never wanted to be a burden to anyone and I don’t want it now. I don’t want to see the pity on people face when I walk in the room. I don’t want others to worry about me just because they think that they have to, but they don’t. It’s a thin line between life and death. I’ve been walking on that line for a few months and I think that I’m finally ready to do it. I’m ready to cross the line. Finally, I just want you to know that I knew that you would never give up on me, but the problem is that I gave up from myself._

_With love, B._


	4. Chapter 4

Bucky stared at the paper for a good ten minutes. He wished that it was true that he totally gave up from his self, but there was a tiny voice in his head that was screaming at him.

˝Now or never˝ He walked to his bed he took the gun in his hand. He looked at it and then he put it back on the table, taking sleeping pills, every pill that was left in the bottle. He swallowed the pills and he lay down on the bed hoping to never wake up again.

Six hours later he woke up. He was disappointed, he decided to take his gun, but it wasn’t where he left it. He looked at the table and he saw that his letter was missing. He walked quickly to the kitchen and he looked at Steve, who was holding the letter in his hand.

˝Where is it? ˝  Bucky asked, annoyed. Steve didn’t have any right of taking his gun, it wasn’t his life.

˝You won’t find it. ˝

˝What do you think you are doing? Are you thinking that you are a kind of hero saving your fallen friend? You are not! ˝

˝You need help! ˝

Bucky furiously walk to Steve and he punched him in the face. Steve kept looking at him and Bucky punched him again. Steve got up from the chair and Bucky punched him, but this time Steve punched him back. Bucky pushed him to the table and he kept kicking him in the face. Steve face was full of blood. He took the beer bottle from the table and he smashed it on Bucky’s head. Bucky stumbled back.

˝What are you doing? ˝ Steve yelled at him.

Just when Bucky wanted to say something there was a knock at the door. Steve opened the door and he looked at you. You were wearing an oversized hoodie and shorts.

˝Steve what the hell happened to your face? ˝ You lifted your hand to touch his bruised face.

˝Bucky happened. ˝

˝Can I come in? ˝Steve moved aside so that you could come in. Bucky was leaning on the table and blood was dripping from his head.

˝Do you have a first aid kit? ˝

˝Just leave. ˝ Bucky said to you and you felt a little hurt. You tried to help. You never knew why people hated your help, did they think that you weren’t capable of helping them?

˝No!˝ Bucky looked at you surprised.

˝I’m leaving. ˝Steve announced.

˝Are you sure that you don’t want me to look at your face? ˝

˝I’ll fix it at home, I’m just a block away. ˝

Steve walked out and Bucky went to his bedroom, he sat on his bed and you followed him. You walked into his bathroom taking the first aid kit. You placed it beside Bucky. Taking the tweezers you pulled the piece of glass from his face. He didn’t say anything, he just kept observing your face. After you pulled out the last piece of glass, you poured alcohol on the gauze and you cleaned his cuts. After fixing his face, you kneeled next to him taking his hand in yours. You removed stained bandages and you cleaned his fist. You put the clean bandages on and you stood up to throw away the bandages and gauze. You were ready to leave when you heard his voice.

˝Can you stay? ˝

˝Why? ˝

Bucky was taken back from your simple question. He didn’t know what to answer.

˝I…. ˝

˝Bucky, I’m not your friend. I don’t know you. ˝

˝But can you stay? ˝

You nodded with your head and you sat next to him.

˝I’m sorry. ˝

˝For what, Buck? ˝

˝For being an ass. ˝

˝I think that is a part of your charm. ˝ In the corner of your eye you could see him smiling.

˝You are so different. ˝ He stated after a silence.

˝Good or bad different? ˝

˝Good of course. It’s just you are… ˝

˝What? ˝

˝You. ˝

˝What’s that even mean? You don’t even know me. ˝ You said, shifting your legs, accidentally bumping his.

˝I’ve met a lot of people in my life. They were all so similar, except Steve. ˝

˝And you think I’m different? What if I tell you that I‘m like everybody else, I have a normal job, I gossip all the time and that I spent two hours with my friend talking about new shades of lipsticks? ˝

˝Well I would say that you are lying. How can you even spend two hours talking about lipsticks? ˝ You giggled at his question.

˝The lipstick thing, it’s true. I really spent two hours explaining the difference between lipstick and lip gloss to Wade. ˝

˝How did that go? ˝

˝He still don’t know. ˝ You pulled your legs off the floor and your knees were touching his thigh. You could feel your cheeks heating and you looked at your hands.

˝You and Wade… are you… ˝

˝No! I mean we are not together, but we did have sex. ˝You blushed realizing what you said. ˝I don’t even know why I said it. I should go. ˝

˝Would it make you feel better if I tell you that that would be my next question? ˝ He asked shyly, not meeting your eyes.

˝Actually yes. ˝ You smiled.

After you decided to stay, you talked for three more hours and then you fell asleep next to him. He slept through the whole night peacefully. Your hands were around his waist and he was holding his palm on your back, pulling you closer to him.

You were the first one to wake up. It was already 6 am and you had to hurry to come to the office at 7. You quickly wrote the note for Bucky and you left his apartment. After quick shower, you dressed and you took your folder with your few sketches. You took your keys and you headed to your motorbike. You came at work just in time and Winifred called you to came to her office. When you stepped in, your eyes landed on the photo of the man in the uniform. It was a new photo you haven’t seen it yet and it was Bucky on the picture.

˝I took that photo nine months ago. He was sent away just the day after. I miss him so much. ˝Winifred said and you sat next to her on the small couch. ˝I wish that he was here. ˝

˝He’s not back? ˝ You asked, confused by her words.

˝No, the last time I heard from him was eight months ago. He was still in Afganistan. ˝

˝I’m sorry to hear that. ˝You smiled sympathetically.

˝You would like him. It’s a shame that you haven’t met him yet. I can guarantee that you two would click immediately. ˝

˝I’m no… ˝

˝Stop it Y/N/N, you think that you fooled me. People who seemed that they don’t care they are actually the one who cares the most. You are great person.˝

˝You don’t know that.˝

˝Really? I know that you helped Wanda with the winter collection. You covered Bruce when his wife was sick. Is that what bad people do?˝

You stayed silent.

˝I asked you something.˝

˝No˝ You whispered.

˝ I can’t wait for him to meet you. ˝She took your folder and she looked at the sketches. ˝This is amazing. You have outdone yourself. If other sketches are like this… wow˝

˝Why do you think that I’m his type? ˝ You asked suddenly. You didn’t want to, but words just fall out of your mouth.

˝Not his type? I don’t understand you young people. Don’t you understand that there is actually no type. You fall for the person with whom you feel comfortable, with whom you can talk, not who you can just fuck and leave before morning. ˝

˝Oh God˝ You quietly whispered.

˝I’ll be honest with you, I saw you with that friend of yours, I don’t know what you have, but you’re not getting any younger. You should settle with someone before’s too late. I keep saying that to my boy, but he doesn’t listen. Sometimes i think he left ‘cause of me.˝

You were just staring at her not finding the right words.

˝I think that he would really like you˝ She said and you finally decided to speak

˝Excuse me with all due respect, but my life doesn’t have anything to do with you. I don’t need a lecture. And I don’t need a fucking matchmaker. Like you would know what your son wants.˝You stormed out of her office. You took your bag and helmet and you left.


	5. Chapter 5

You were angry, you just wanted to punch someone. You got off your motorbike and you saw Bucky walking out of a store. You didn’t want to talk with him while you couldn’t control your emotions so you walked to your apartment. You were struggling with your key when you heard heavy footsteps that were approaching. Turning around you saw Bucky looking at you.

˝Hi, Shouldn’t you be at work? ˝

˝I think that I just lost my job. ˝

He approached you. ˝Are you okay? ˝

˝Your mother is a bitch.˝ You put your hand over your mouth after you said it.

˝How do you know who is my mother? ˝ He asked following you in your apartment.

˝Well, your last name is Barnes. I don’t have to be Sherlock to get that. ˝ You smiled at him.

˝I can talk to her, if you want? ˝

˝Buck, you didn’t even tell her that you are home. ˝ He lowered his head and you guided him to sit at the counter.

˝I.. ˝

˝You don’t have to explain. I will just go get changed and we can talk then. ˝

He just nodded and you left for five minutes. You had a feeling that he will leave, but he didn’t.

˝I’m really sorry about my mother. What did she do? ˝

You walked into kitchen taking food from the fridge.

˝She crossed the line. We actually talked about you. ˝

˝Why? ˝

˝I was looking at your picture and then she just started talking and she couldn’t stop. Then, she insulted me. I mean she didn’t want to, but… ˝

˝I can still talk to her, or ask Steve to do so˝

˝No, it’s not necessary I can easily find another job. But talking about Steve, did you guys.. ˝

˝No˝He cuts you mid sentence. ˝I will call him later. ˝

˝Are you feeling better? ˝You put the bread down and you reached to touch his face. ˝It looks better than yesterday. ˝

˝Thanks to you. If you didn’t come I think that glass would still be sticking from my face. ˝

You laugh slightly at his statement and you pulled your fingers back.

˝Do you like cheese? ˝

˝What? ˝

˝In your sandwich. I thought that you could eat with me. I mean Wade hates it so… ˝

˝Ohhh, I’m okay with it. ˝ He smiled and you felt the heat rising in your cheeks.

You handed him the sandwich and you sat next to him.

˝This is really good. ˝

˝It’s just a sandwich. You should try my cake it makes you feel like you enter into the heaven. There is so much chocolate in it. ˝

˝Is that an invitation? ˝

˝Yes it is. Actually… ˝ Your phone started ringing and you rolled your eyes, seeing that it was Winifred. You turn the sound off and you continued. ˝You could help me bake it, if you are… ˝

˝Yeah, it sounds fun. ˝

You took the plates and you put them away. ˝I’ll prepare everything. ˝

Bucky took off his hoodie, he was wearing his red henley and his hands start shaking.

˝Can I just… ˝

You turn around seeing him taking out cigarette.

˝Yeah sure˝

He headed for your door, he didn’t want to smoke in your apartment, he didn’t know if you were against it.

˝You don’t have to leave. I have balcony˝

You showed him the way and he sat on the chair outside. His hands were shaking because you made him nervous. He light up a cigarette and he took a deep breath. His hand was trembling and he couldn’t calm down. He closed his eyes. After some time he felt somebody’s hand on his shoulder.

˝Hey, are you alright? ˝

˝Yeah, why? ˝

˝I thought that you are just going for a quick smoke. ˝

Bucky looked at the ashtray and he realized that he was already on his fourth cigarette.

˝I think that you should get some rest.˝ You stated and Bucky nodded. He left your apartment and you continued baking.

* * *

Steve was waiting for Bucky in his apartment.

˝Where were you? ˝

˝Across the hall. ˝ Bucky said and he placed his hoodie on the table next to Steve’s hands.

˝Why were you there? ˝

˝I was with Y/N˝

˝What were you doing with her? ˝

Bucky exhaled. ˝I was just hanging out with her. There is no need for you to be jealous. ˝

˝I’m not jealous. I just don’t think that you are in condition to have a relationship right now. ˝

˝You are kidding me right. ˝Steve didn’t say anything and Bucky felt offended. He only talked to Steve and he could hear the pity in his voice, but with you it was different. He talked with you and laughed last night, he almost forgot what happened to him.

˝Leave! ˝

˝Bucky calm down˝

˝Why? You don’t trust me. You just want the old me back, but the old me is gone. I am who I am. Steve I will never be the same. You should accept that.˝

˝You are telling me to accept that when you didn’t. If you were, you would at least tell your parents and friends that you were back.˝

˝Parents and friends? My mom cares about that damn company more than me, my father left me, he  doesn’t care. And my friend fucked my girlfriend and that leaves only you. But right now I’m regretting that I told you I’m back. ˝

˝Do you think that she is going to make you feel better? How long will that last? ˝

Steve left, shutting the door behind him. Bucky throws himself on bed and he stared at the ceiling. He thought that maybe Steve was right.

_Why would you even consider being with him or will you run away when you learn about his past?_

_Maybe he shouldn’t have talked to you. Just the day after you talked you lost your job. He was a walking mess._


	6. Chapter 6

Bucky suddenly woke up when he heard somebody knocking. He quickly got up and opened the door, seeing you there, standing with chocolate cake on the plate.

˝Hey, I just came to see are you feeling better. ˝  Bucky just smiled, letting you inside. ˝Are you okay? ˝

˝Yeah, I think so˝ He grabbed two plates, forks, and a knife from the kitchen and he sat next to you.

˝What happened earlier? ˝

Bucky glanced at you and he cuts the cake, as he moved you could see his dog tags under his shirt. You were about to ask him about the time in the army when he spoke.

˝I have some problems, there is really nothing to worry. ˝

˝I know that we met just a few days ago and that at first, we were both jerks to each other, but I want you to know that I’m here if you need somebody to talk to. ˝ You took the plate and you started eating.

˝You are not going to ask… ˝

˝Nope˝ You said, emphasizing the letter p.

˝You are not curious? ˝

˝Of course I am, but it’s private. Your life is private and I’m just your neighbor. ˝

˝No, you’re not. ˝

˝What? ˝ You turned to face him after taking a piece of cake.

˝You are more. You are my friend. ˝

˝That’s cute. ˝

˝What? ˝Bucky’s cheeks were a shade darker and you giggled.

˝You are blushing. ˝

˝I’m not˝

˝Yes, you are. ˝

˝Well, you are covered in chocolate. ˝ He pointed to your lip.

You tried to clean your lip, but Bucky would tell you every time that you missed it.

˝Can I? ˝

You nodded, having a lump in your throat. He moved his finger to your lip and just as he was close to touch it he kissed you instead. You pulled away surprised by his actions.

˝I’m sorry…. ˝

˝Buck, it.. ˝ Bucky didn’t let you speak and his hands start to shake again. ˝Shut up! ˝You took his hands in yours intertwining your fingers. He just watched your every move, he was like a lost puppy. ˝I would kiss you back, but you just took me by surprise and I hate surprises. ˝ You leaned in closing the distance between you. His lips were soft and he tasted like chocolate, which made the kiss even better. He was the first to pull away and you never saw him smiling like that. His smile reached all the way to his eyes.

˝Would you go out with me tonight? ˝ He asked suddenly and your smile disappeared. ˝Sorry, I thought that you would… You kissed me so I thought. ˝He awkwardly stood up and he was mentally punching himself for what he asked.

˝I would love to, but I can’t. ˝

˝It’s okay, really. ˝

˝Maybe tomorrow. ˝ He stopped pacing and he looked down at you.

˝Tomorrow? ˝

˝Well, you did take me by surprise and I have to make some calls, I’m looking for a new job. And I’m not really in the mood of going out….I  mean we could stay in, it’s almost eight o'clock. Are you fine with that? ˝ Bucky was still trying to process that you didn’t actually turn him down. He hasn’t even noticed you staring at him. ˝Buck, are you okay? If you are not feeling okay, we can go tomorrow. ˝ You came closer to him and he took your hand in his. It wasn’t easy for him to let himself fall for someone. He didn’t know if he was able to let someone new in after the loss of his friends just a few months ago.

˝I’m okay, but could you stay tonight? ˝

˝Yeah, sure, I just have to change in my pj’s and make some calls. I will be back in an hour. ˝ You finished your slice and you left his apartment. You thought that you will feel nervous about spending the night with him, but you didn’t. He was a really nice guy, a little scared and you wanted to help him and hug him. You couldn’t believe how you fell for a guy that you just meet a few days ago.

* * *

You called Natasha, she had the biggest fashion empire in New York and it always wondered you how did Wade meet her. She became your friend after a few hook ups with Wade, she also offered you a job a couple of times after finding your sketches. Natasha was happy to hear from you. She asked you to come in two days from today and you almost screamed with excitement. You ran to your room to change in your pj’s and Bucky was the first person that came to your mind to tell him the good news, it was usually Wade, but not now. You happily walked to his apartment without knocking. He wasn’t in the kitchen so you wandered into his room.

˝Bucky? Where are you? ˝ You sat on his bed hearing the water from his shower. You looked around and your eyes wander to only two pictures that were on the wall. You took the bigger picture from the wall grazing its surface with your fingers. Bucky was in the picture with three men and a woman. They were wearing their uniforms and they had smiles on their face. You heard the door behind you open and you quickly put the photo back turning around. You gasped as a surprise and Bucky’s eyes were wide open as he saw you looking at him. He was only wearing a towel that was low on his waist and he instantly covered his chest with his hands going straight to the closet.

˝I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t be… ˝

˝No, Y/N it’s alright… I understand if you will want to leave now.˝ He quickly pulled his shirt over his head, looking at the ground.

˝Why would I want to leave? ˝ You asked, stepping closer to him.

˝Don’t pretend, please.. I just don’t need somebody’s pity… just go.. ˝ You parted your lips to say something, but you couldn’t form a sentence. He didn’t even look at you staring at the ground.

You took a step forward, reaching his chin with your finger. He tried to move away, but you lift your other hand to his jaw.

˝Look at me. ˝He finally brought his eyes to your face, studying you carefully. ˝Do you really have such a low opinion about me. ˝ You took a deep breath and you start pulling your hands away when he didn’t say anything. He grabbed your hands before you could move them completely away from him.

˝No… I just…. you are so nice to me. I mean you have such a strong character, but you are nice to me… why? ˝ He was holding your hands in the space between you two.

˝I like you. ˝ You whispered, loudly enough for him to hear you.

˝I’m damaged. You saw that the first time we met. ˝

You slowly grazed your fingers over his red skin on his knuckles. ˝We are all damaged, that’s why we have each other to feel normal. I’m damaged more than anyone would think it’s possible, but I’m trying. Wade is also trying and I know that you are too. ˝

˝You work in the fashion industry, you can date Steve and you want me? ˝ You just smiled. Intertwining your fingers. 

˝The inner beauty is what drown me in, not a pretty face, but with you, I’m winning in both ways. ˝

He smiled slightly, but his smile faded as he looked directly in your eyes.

˝But this is me. ˝He pulled his hands back to him and he showed towards his upper body. ˝The scars… I.. they are not nice.. they are ugly and you will be discus… ˝

˝Can I be the one who will decide? ˝ You asked, moving your fingers to the hem of his shirt. You slowly pulled it up and he didn’t stop you. He let you pull it off him and his eyes fixated on the ground.

˝Beautiful˝You whispered softly grazing your fingers over his lighter skin.  Marks that he brought home from the war. He suddenly moved his hand over yours setting it on his chest. You could feel his rapid heartbeats. You brought your other hand to his skin grazing a big scar that was starting at his collarbone going all the way across his abdomen to his V line. He stopped your hand before you could touch the beginning of his towel and he just stared at you with adoration. You leaned in and he closed the distance still holding your hands on his chest. You pulled away from the lack of air and you start moving your hands with his on top of you, locking his arms around your waist and bringing him closer to you. He lowered his head, kissing you again. You stood on your toes to deepen the kiss as you were pulling away, he captured your lower lip with his teeth pulling you back to his lip. You smiled into the kiss and one of his hands went higher on your body n the back of your neck. You tangled your fingers in his long hair breaking the kiss. You smiled shyly and he grazed your lip with his thumb.

˝So…. ˝ He started quietly and you looked him in the eyes. They were brighter than before and it made you happy seeing him like that. ˝Would you like to stay here? I could make us breakfast in the morning. ˝

˝Who would say that you would be so direct offering me sex. Shame on you. ˝ You giggled as he just realized what he offered.

˝No.. I˝ He scratched the back of his neck nervously. ˝We could talk and… ˝

You moved away from him lying down on his bed waiting for him to get dressed. As he was pulling his shirt over his head you stared at him. His muscles were flexing at his every movement and you couldn’t stop yourself from saying stupid thing.

˝Look, just so you know, I wouldn’t mind having that body on top of me, but I’m just saying. ˝ You felt more relaxed than before next to him and so did he. He throws himself on the mattress and you almost fall to the floor. As he laid his head on the pillow you put your head on his chest sneaking your arm under his shirt tracing his scars. You start falling asleep while he was stroking your hair.

He watched you sleep that night. You were peaceful and for a moment he forgot about the horrors that he saw and that was done to him. In this past few months, you were the only person that brought him some peace.

 


End file.
